why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just found puke in my bra..
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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