I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
