Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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