Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
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We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
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I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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