There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
