The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
