Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
