I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
