She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I had to cum in my sink.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
