Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
