Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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