his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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