there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize