So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Don't say a word.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
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I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
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If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there