i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
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I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
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Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.