Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
