Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
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She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
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You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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