he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.