Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra