In America we eat man semen.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
