Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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