Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize
