i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.