Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Sorry about my life...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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