C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
