Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
