Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
