well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
