did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
