I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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