Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
