I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
