I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
