I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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