He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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