You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
