She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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