i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
