loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
