white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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