so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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