so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
