I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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