No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
