dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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