So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
