My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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