A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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