im drinking this country out of the recession.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
