On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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