very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
