allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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