Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
