my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
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Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
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You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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