Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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