my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
