I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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