i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
