Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
