You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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