I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
