I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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