he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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