Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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