So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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