I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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