I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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