Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
