My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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