We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
