he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
where are my eyebrows?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
