You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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