the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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