Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
