The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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