I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
