Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
